misconceptions about strippers.
pussy preach more sense than the fuckin government.
I want to break necks when people shade strippers. Let’s see your janky ass get out there and look that cute in 6 inch heels for 8 hours, smiling the entire time, stroking egos, pretending a dude’s breath doesn’t smell like a rotten animal.
My sister has a Masters in Education. She got a job at one of the poorest schools in the city, but didn’t make enough money to pay to keep her tiny house heated through the Oregon winter or buy enough food or take her dog to the vet (first person who drops the word rehome gets a kick in the face.) so she quit and the only job she could get because she’s “overqualified” to work at Fred Meyers was at a strip club because she minored in ballet. I think people forget that stripping is like any other job: you have to have some experience.
And all those crumpled one dollar bills? 20% of that goes back into the club because strippers are renting the stages they dance on. Sometimes it’s more.
Despite all of that, my sister makes more money than she ever did because she works 80 hour weeks and literally never takes a day off. She teaches classes to drunk white girls, she does private parties, she does entertainment for conferences and shows.
When I had to go to the ER last February and got a bill for $800 that I couldn’t pay, my sister sent me money so I wouldn’t be sent to collections.
My sister is the classiest motherfucker in a pair of six inch heels. Anyone who calls her a dumb slut or a hoe gets their shit wrecked.
that’s the best thing i ever just heard get said
that dog deserves an Oscar.
i searched up ‘hurdlers without hurdles’ on google and i dont regret it
these boots are made for walkin
The ol razzle dazzle
STEREK WEEK ‘14 || Sunday: Anything
2k of not!fic that I am regiving to candypinkcocks
A Sterek Assassin AU, but not like a Mr. and Mrs. Smith one or like where they know each other before.
Like they only know each other as a mark and they keep ALMOST killing each other.
And then both of them recognize each other at the same time at a Farmer’s Market.
And Stiles is with Scott and Scott is like “dude, that dude’s totes looking at you.” And Erica’s with Derek and is like “hot nerd alert” (none of their friends know that Stiles and Derek are assassins btw) and so Scott and Erica are both like “go talk to him and then bone” and they have to because their friends are pushing.
But Stiles thinks Derek doesn’t know who he is and Derek thinks stiles doesn’t know who he is and neither of them are going to try to kill the other in front of their friend because Derek thinks Scott’s kind of cool and Stiles really likes Erica’s bluntness and so they all agree to get drinks later.
So Stiles tells Lydia since she’s his handler or whatever and Derek tells Boyd who’s his. Lydia says to just have a good night and that everything he learns about him can be used to get him at a later date. And Boyd tells Derek to keep Erica safe (because that’s all Boyd really cares about and he knows Derek will just do his thing).
And no one thinks the other knows about the other so they’re all like ‘just relax, it’ll be easy.’
And they go out for drinks and It’s really fun and Stiles’ fingers keep itching to grab at his knife in his waistband because the more he hears about Derek, the more he likes him and DAMN HE’S FINE
And then Derek’s trying to figure out whether his hands are itching to break Stiles’ neck or to hold him against the wall and fuck him.
Then nothing happens and they all go home.
So Scott and Erica are obviously like “we’re all going out AGAIN.”
And they see a movie. It’s the latest spy movie (which Scott and Erica love) and Derek and Stiles are both laughing at the inaccuracies.
At the end of the movie they all go stand outside and their friends keep giving the *look* to Stiles and Derek and they’re both like “what?”
And so Scott and Erica are like GAH NOT AGAIN because Derek and Stiles both want to leave.
But then Scott says “Let’s get drinks.”
And Derek says “it’s a Wednesday. Don’t you work tomorrow?”
Scott’s like “Oh. I do.” and Erica’s like “me too.”
"But Stiles doesn’t."
"Neither does Derek."
Of course, neither Stiles or Derek drove and Scott and Erica run away from them and drive off before they can get in the cars with them (because their friends are actual children)
So Derek and Stiles both call other friends who have all been warned not to pick them up by Scott and Erica.
So finally, Stiles calls Lydia and Derek calls Boyd and they both are like OH NO YOU’RE GETTING INTEL.
And of course they both live like 15 miles away and could totally run it, but they don’t want the other one to notice how fast they are so they’re like “well, one drink I guess.”
And then it becomes more than one drink and they learn more about each other and hey, they actually could like each other if they didn’t have to kill each other.
And it gets to the point where both of them have had so much to drink that they know they can’t run home and there’s this hotel right across the street and at least Derek can kill Stiles in a nice place, right?
And they get into their room and Derek immediately throws Stiles against the door and Stiles responds by putting his hands around Derek’s neck like he’s going to choke him and Derek breaks the hold and Stiles surprisingly throws Derek on the bed and Derek grabs him when he attacks and flips Stiles over and he’s about to punch him the face and Stiles catches his fist, and flips them.
And he slips because they’re drunk and of course fighting turns them both on. And Derek’s like “you play dirty”
And in Stiles’ mind he’s like “oh right, he thinks were playing. I guess we can just play a little tonight…”
And Derek thinks Stiles is just kinky and likes it rough.
And then they have super hot secret hate sex.
Boyd knows where Derek ended up that night, and the next morning Derek wakes up to a text from Boyd that says KILL HIM OR LEAVE NOW.
And Derek thinks it’s rude to kill someone after he fucks them, so he leaves and calls Boyd and Boyd’s says, “I just talked to Isaac, and he said the Banshee’s contractor has been contracted to kill you”
Derek says, “So?”
And Derek’s v. confused and angered and wants to kill something (probs Stiles) and immediately goes back to the room and is about to bang on the door when Stiles opens it.
And there’s a look of relief on Stiles’ face and he says, “I thought you left.”
And Derek’s asks “Why? Thought you wouldn’t get another chance to kill me?”
And then there’s a v awkward silence and then Stiles says quietly, “You’re supposed to kill me too, aren’t you?”
And then they break angry eye contact to glance at the other’s mouth (because it’s not fic if that doesn’t happen) and then there’s like two seconds of eye contact again.
And then ROUND 2 of hate sex.
After they’re both done, they look at each other (Stiles sitting on the bed as Derek pulls on his clothes) and Derek looks at him and says, “The next time I see you, I’m going to kill you.”
"Same. Unless you’re with Erica. Or family."
"Or you’re with Scott. Or family."
"We can’t do that to them."
And then Derek leaves and doesn’t see Stiles again for a couple of weeks when they both end up in Moscow for a thing.
But SURPRISE Stiles said that he and Scott needed a brocation and Derek offered to pamper Erica with a foreign excursion (since neither of them are going anywhere without their besties from now on pretty much in order to make sure they don’t die).
And there’s a point there when he’s about to kill Stiles, and then Scott appears. And Scott starts talking to Stiles and Derek steps away from his gun as Stiles looks at where Derek was hiding and winks before walking off with Scott.
And then there’s a moment where they’re alone in a room and the have a full on fight.
"No guns or knives. That will cheapen what we have," Stiles says as Derek rolls his eyes and they drop their weapons at the door.
They fight for a while and it looks like Derek’s about to kill Stiles when they hear Erica’s voice calling for Derek.
"Do you really want to kill me when Erica’s right outside the door?"
And Derek lets him go and tells Erica that his swollen lip is from some dude who didn’t like the fact he was hitting on his girlfriend or something.
And OF COURSE Scott and Erica find each other and they all have to hang out because HELLO IT’S MOSCOW and they’re sitting at a table and Erica says:
"Stiles, what do you think it would cost for a night with Derek?"
Without hesitation, “Eighty million.”
And Derek and him share a look and Derek KNOWS that’s how much his bounty is.
And then Stiles looks at him and goes “How much would a night be for me?”
"Eighty million," because they’re worth the same.
And Erica’s says, “Damn, you guys must be phenomenal.”
"You have no idea."
And they finally exchange numbers because Erica forces them to, and Stiles puts his name as 80mil and Derek does the same just so they’re both reminded of what they are to each other.
And for the next few months they keep trying to kill each other and every time they almost do, someone shows up and Derek and Stiles end up fucking. And the fucking has started to have FEELINGS because they actually know each other now
And then one night after partying with their friends, they’re laying in bed in a hotel room and Derek’s looking at bullet wound that he knows he gave to Stiles and Stiles’ fingers are tracing over a scar his knife gave Derek, and they both know that when they try to kill each other they’re REALLY trying because these aren’t sloppy wounds and they’re so close to killing them and would if they each weren’t so good at evading it.
And Stiles makes eye contact with Derek and asks, “How can you do it? How can you legit try to kill me and then act like I’m the most important thing in the world to you?”
"When we’re in the field, I only see you as 80 million. But when we’re with the others or when we’re here, you’re…"
"I’m what? Worthless?"
THEN THE SLOW BONE
Nothing changes though in the field. They legit try to kill each other during the day and then love each other at night.
And there’s more scars and fights and love making and then someone new comes on the scene and shoots Stiles and he’s in ICU and it doesn’t look like he’s going to make it.
And Derek tells himself it’s nbd and that that’s just what happens.
But weeks go by, and Derek starts to realize that things don’t “just happen.” Someone tried to kill Stiles—HIS Stiles
Derek’s the only one who gets to do that. Fuck that noise
And he finds out the name of the shooter (cough kate cough) and she’s worth 90mil. And he goes and he kills her.
And he gets the 90 and then terminates his contract on Stiles.
And he goes to the hospital when Scott calls him to tell Derek that Stiles is out of ICU.
And he sees Lydia and Boyd talking to each other in the hallway and Lydia says, “I heard you terminated your contract”
Derek looks at Boyd and he nods
Lydia says, “It’s up to Stiles if he wants to break his. He’s awake, by the way.”
And Derek goes in and shuts the door. And Stiles looks up at him.
Derek sits on the side of the bed and stiles Starts fiddling with the cuff of Derek’s Henley.
"So I heard you found someone worth more than me."
"No one’s worth more than you."
When somebody eats my leftovers
how do i get this picture of myself tumblr famous
i want this tattooed on my back
the fact that there have no leaked nudes in my dashboard proves that i’m following the right people
Well, I never thought I would see someone try to recreate what people wore in the concentration camps in WWII and why they would try to make it trendy is beyond me. This is absolutely disgusting. I am sick to my stomach. As a Jew, this is incredibly offensive. Who the hell would ever think this is cute and fashionable? I used to like Zara, but after this I am never shopping there again. Fuck Zara this is utterly disgusting.